Chasing a possibility
It has been a long while again, and once again I don't know what to write. Perhaps due to the busy pace, the stress of the teacher appointment process, and the lethargy of summer, I may have cooled off from writing a bit. I had thought about putting my Netherlands experience into words, but I think I’m being lazy because it feels like it would be too long if I started; or perhaps it's because my mind is occupied with something else right now, so I cannot focus on that side.
Yes, my mind is occupied with something very different. I may have taken the bravest step of my life; even braver than my previous resignation process.
I have added to my appointment preference list the city that has been in the corner of my mind for years, but for which I could never show enough courage to live in. I don’t know what the outcome will be, whether it will happen or not, but even this step is a great act of courage for me.
There is a reality called the "comfort zone," and once a person gets used to it, it takes a great deal of effort to get out. Being close to family, the same job, the same environment, the same people... I realize that I have shaped my life according to certain priorities until now. I have followed the choices that the majority follows; I have always chosen whichever was more comfortable. By comfort here, I mean mental and emotional comfort. Except for my university years, I have almost never stepped out of my safe space.
Now, when I stop and look at where I am, I am terrified, thinking, "Do I really want such a life? Do I want to let my life rot in a comfort zone?" Because there is a city I have been in love with since my high school years, a city that awakens the same excitement in me every time I visit. A city that gives me the feeling of "If I lived here, there could have been more beautiful possibilities in my life" every time I go... But until today, I have taken refuge in excuses like it's expensive, crowded, far away, and exhausting.
I have finally realized that I should not wait for the economy to improve, for the world to be a better place, or for my fears to pass completely in order to take action for my dreams. Life is a moment, and that moment is now. If I continued to postpone it, it would always remain as a possibility in my mind; a possibility with an uncertain outcome... But now I can easily say: I did my best. If it doesn't happen, there are more appointments ahead; it’s not the end of everything. If it does happen, everything will be difficult at first, but people adapt to any conditions; eventually, one gets used to living there. If I am not going to fight these difficulties now, at this young age, when will I? I know that I will grow, stretch, and rediscover myself within those challenges.
Is there the anxiety that uncertainty brings? Yes, there is. But I am aware that it is all temporary. I am certain that when I look back years later, I do not want to see a life unlived, a life I was too afraid to pursue. Besides, we never know what beauties are in God's plan.
Let’s live and see where this path leads...